Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately
CIA:
We cannot do that, sir. We
created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump:
The Democrats created
them.
CIA:
We created ISIS, sir. You need
them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump:
Stop funding Pakistan. Let
India deal with them.
CIA:
We can't do that. It is Modi in
India and not Manmohan.
Trump:
So what?
CIA:
Modi will cut Baluchistan out of
Pak.
Trump:
I don't care.
CIA:
India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They
will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in
Kashmir.
Trump:
But you have to destroy
the Taliban
CIA:
Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check
during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their
nukes.
Trump:
We have to destroy
terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the
Saudis.
Pentagon:
Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their
oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that
oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump:
Then, let us invade
Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump:
Why not?
CIA:
We are talking to them, sir.
Trump:
What? Why?
CIA:
We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate
us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep
Israel in check.
Trump:
Then let us invade Iraq
again.
CIA:
Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already
occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump:
Why not the whole of
Iraq?
CIA:
We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to
keep ISIS in check.
Trump:
I am banning Muslims
from entering US.
FBI:
We can't do that.
Trump:
Why not?
FBI:
Then our own population will become
fearless.
Trump:
I am deporting all
illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol:
You can't do that, sir
Trump:
Why not?
Border
patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?
Trump:
I am banning H1Bs.
USCIS:
You cannot do that.
Trump:
Why?
Chief of
staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to
Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump:
What the hell should I
do???
CIA:
Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest…